the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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