I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
