we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
