i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
