10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
