Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
