Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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