the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will die if light touches me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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