I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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