I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
