I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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