we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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