I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
