i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
