You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
