I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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