Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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