I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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