I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
