That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
