there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
