I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
should my penis look like a turkey
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
