I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
