dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
