DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
