I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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