The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
