I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
