If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
