If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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