If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
