Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
