dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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