Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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