I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
