I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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