I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
