I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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