You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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