She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
