you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize