I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
