sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
