Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
