Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
and you fell through a lawn chair
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
