just tell him i said nine months
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
