you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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