Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
