come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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