as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
