apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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