Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
