You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
