I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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