We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We need to get me chipped asap
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize