Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the condom got lost in my hair
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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