Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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