The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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