I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
