Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
