Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
