id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
