I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
