had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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