Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
