Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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