I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
